Had my ultrasound this morning and when she only had the wand on the left side for a sec, I knew something was wrong. Nothing on the left over 10 mm and only three on the right measuring 11, 11, 10. There were a few less than ten, I think on both sides. When I asked the ultrasound tech to tell me how many, she replied "we can't discuss that." They only say that when it's bad news. If it's good, they're happy to tell you. At least that's my personal experience. Stupid bitches. Sorry, but that just pisses me off. Who do they think they're fooling?
When the nurse called with my results, I was disappointed that it wasn't my regular nurse. This other lady just ran through things in about 15 seconds. I could tell she was in a hurry.
her "You've got three follicles, two at 11 and one at 10. Your estrogen is 900. Stay the course with your Follistim and Menopur. Start your Ganarelix Friday morning and come back in Friday morning for another ultrasound."
me "Only three? Won't they just have me convert to IUI with that few?"
her "Well lets just cross our fingers that you get some more growth. Ok thank you bye"
What? What kind of explanation is that? I'm fragile! I need reassurance that I should keep going and not just go hide under a rock!
So I sat at work depressed for several hours before deciding to call my regular nurse in hopes that she was in the office today. When she called back I just flat out told her that I'm looking for some reassurance because I had this level of response to Clomid one month. She says she's not worried at all. That my estrogen level being 900 should mean there are some good follicles there and that she expects I'll have more when I come back on Friday. Ahhh. Relief. One thing we realized during our conversation is that I'm taking the Menopur in the morning and I'm supposed to be taking it at night. I don't know how I misunderstood that but of course I'm wondering if that has somehow caused my bad response. The nurse did not want me to move to a night Menopur dose but I could tell she was not happy with me. And she said I'll just have to do three injections in the morning, the Follistim, the Menopur and the Ganarelix, then the Follistim again at night. I don't care about the injections, I just hope my body can handle all the drugs at once. And I've been reading up on Menopur. It seems that headaches are a common side effect, and boy have I had them. I imagine taking it at night would have really helped with that.
I've noticed I'm back in that hole where I am fixated on reading infertility stories on the Internet. And they all seem bad. I mean compared to 3 small follicles on day 6. It's started consuming my thoughts again. Why should I go through that retrieval with only 3? Why not just do IUI? All the money I've already wasted on these injections. Why did I wait so long to do this. Why did he take so long to make the decision that he wanted to have a baby?
It is not good.