Wednesday, December 2, 2009

One Failed Clomid Cycle, Officially

4 days late but it's finally here. Boy, is it here!

Maybe I'm weird but I think the first 2 weeks of the cycle are way better than the last. I can't stand the two week wait. The phantom pregnancy symptoms, the emotional roller coaster of "I think I'm pregnant!" and "There's no way I'm pregnant" is too fucking depressing. I hate it. I much prefer the part where I'm working towards something, rather than just sitting around waiting for an answer.

In writing that last sentence I realize I have a major problem with just waiting. It infects every part of my life. When my husband was still deciding about whether he wanted to try to have a baby, the waiting nearly drove me crazy. And because of that, I nearly drove him crazy. I really struggled to give him the time he needed to work through his natural decision making process. I make decisions rather quickly and then just start working towards the goal. That is not to say that I make decisions haphazardly. In fact, I do tons of research for even the most miniscule decisions. But I do it swiftly, weigh the options, decide then act. It works for me most of the time, but when I have to consider the feelings and pace of another human being (my husband) or acquiesce to my ovaries, I go sorta crazy. The waiting and inaction can really turn me into one crazy bitch.

I think I just had a light-bulb moment. I have no idea what to do with it, but that was definitely a light-bulb.


  1. Thanks for your comment on my recent post - always nice to find a new fellow 40+er, if only just so I don't feel so oooold all by myself.

    As I'm sure you know, the Clomid cycle really just tests where you are in terms of treatment options - it's usually thought of as a fact-finding mission more than anything else, although I think some people do miraculously luck out and get pregnant. Don't be too discouraged, and I hope your docs can put together a plan that does make you a 62 year old mother of a college student - with enough yoga and moisturizer we should be able to pull that off, right?

    Best of luck!

  2. Hi Lorraine - thanks for visiting my blog and for the encouraging words. My doctor didnt mention the fact finding mission part of Clomid. Is that just to see if you'll even respond to the meds? If so, I am curious what she thought of my response. I had a 20mm and two 13mm follicles on one ovary.

  3. I'm sorry this cycle didn't work.

    And you are totally not weird! The two week wait definitely suck! That roller coaster of yes I am no I'm not can drive anyone mad.. And yes, the beginning of a new cycle, when all options are open, is so much better!

    Wishing next cycle will be the one.