Wow. OK, that makes it way harder to go into this with a positive, hopeful attitude. This is what the Psychologist told us at our IVF appointment this Wednesday. All that money, all that weight gain, knowing it's not gonna work? Well, that just seems crazy. I'm trying to tell myself there's no other way they'll know how I'm gonna respond than to do this first cycle. But of course, I want it to work the first time.
At my clinic, the pregnancy rates for my age group 21% per cycle. The live birth rates for my age group are 10-15%. So as near as I can tell, I'm basically just signing up to give away a bunch of money and gain a bunch of weight for nothing. And I've already started playing those mind games. Well, those women have probably been trying for like 20 years. And those women probably didn't even respond to the Clomid (I did!) I'm trying to differentiate myself from those other women in all sorts of bizarre and complex ways. But how else do you get through it? I know their responsibility is to let you know the statistics so you don't want to kill yourself at that first negative pregnancy test, but what the hell? What about hope? I need the hope to push me through this crazy, medicated hell.
I've got this weekend and next weekend to be normal. Then the shots start. I'm trying to enjoy it, but her words are haunting me. And making me question this decision.
Why not going to work? I do hope it does work for you on your first try, but I also think it's good to walk into it with open eyes, knowing that it may not, that does not mean to say that it most certainly won't.
ReplyDeleteIf on average it takes 2.7 attempts, then there are always those who will succeed on the first try like there are those that will need a bit more than 3 tries (and an average of 2.7 sounds great to me!). Besides, in order to get to that second or third successful try (well if number 1 doesn't work), you still need that first try.. (can't skip into your second attempt without having your first).
Soooo - I got pregnant with both my transfers at the good clinic. The first one resulted in a late-term miscarriage, unfortunately. I was so afraid that the law of averages wouldn't let me have another positive right away, but here I am with a tiny little boy on my lap...
ReplyDeleteSo many times the first cycle is just a test case for the clinic to see what's going on. Once they can get to the lab they have so much more information to work with. One thing my clinic did was maximize my chances by treating me for the most common obstacles even if I didn't test for them. I did antibiotic therapy and a low-dose steroid with blood thinners (I do have a clotting issue) and three times a week acupuncture with a fertility specialist.
Overkill? Maybe, but I was willing.
Good luck!
Billy and Lorraine - thanks so much for the encouraging words. I really appreciate it.
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