As if I wasn't stressed enough trying to handle everything going on in my life while I try to get pregnant, I got demoted today. Punch!
Even though I've put in years of hard work for this organization and many many long hours that kept me from my family, I don't know why I'm surprised. They're cut-throat and I always knew that.
The best part is that they want me to go in tomorrow morning and pretend like this is my idea, not theirs. If you knew me, you'd know that's just not how I roll. I'm not a bullshitter, to a fault. I suppose if told people what really happened "you can take this other position, or we will process a termination immediately", that could make them look bad - GOD FORBID!
I've been praying for nearly two years for some help with my job situation. Since I was promoted to manager, it's just been hell. I'm a really good leader, but very mediocre manager. I hate it. I hate the politics of it all. I hate firing people, writing them up, shaming them into doing stuff. Basically, I do suck at the job. But, being demoted from a manager to a supervisor in a completely different section is going to be riddled with rumors and embarrassment. I wish it was next Friday.
The good thing about this is that, well, maybe it is an answer to my prayers. I really have been overly stressed for 2 years and I blame work for 75% of that. Trying to have a baby at my age has just made things worse. Not to mention, now I'll be able to enjoy the Bulls games without worrying whether I'll be able to leave work in time to make it to the game at 7:30 and I probably won't feel obligated to be tied to my blackberry waiting on the next shit storm from my boss, half paying attention to the game.
At this point I'm just rambling. I'm hurt and embarrassed. And relieved and pissed off. And hurt and embarrassed.
big love and gratitude
13 hours ago